Practicalmadness

Had yesterday's dinner been Chinese and not gawd-awful tex-mex, and had such a dinner been concluded with an unusually specific fortune cookie, it may have read as follows.

• Your goal to drink one half gallon of iced chai before noon will go unfulfilled.
• A mysterious stranger will offer you a health club membership at a reasonable price.
• Those who added you to Playboy's mailing list will suffer the most horrible fate.
• There are only so many times you can watch that one Buffy episode, but you will not reach that number today.
• Your unfortunate predilection for 80s music will give you, at least temporarily, a reason to live again.