Practicalmadness

In however many years -- oh, lord, is it six?? -- as a loyal Amazon.com customer (and associates program member site), I have had to call their customer service hotline only three times. Unfortunately, two of those were this week.

(What? You didn't know they had a phone number where you could talk to actual people? Of course you didn't. Link via BoingBoing.)

The first time was after I got an e-mail telling me that the Bluetooth card for my Palm was going to be delayed, which (had I not called) would have placed it on my doorstep about two days after I had stepped through it for the last time, never to return. I called, bitched and got them to expedite the order, which (despite the delay) shipped the very next business day, with free next day shipping. Of course, now it's delayed because UPS are fuckups, but at least I get to deal with them now instead of next week.

The current problem is not even Amazon's fault: the Postal Service decided that my copy of Ikiru on DVD could not be delivered, even though it was shipped to the same address as all of the five or six items I've recently ordered from Amazon, and returned it to the company. The company's policy in such an event is to refund my money and cancel the order.

So I spoke with a very nice woman at Amazon just now, and expressed my frustration. "I know it's not you guys's fault," I said, "but I mean, I could call the Post Office and complain but I'd probably be better off yelling at my hydrangeas." She laughed, and offered a promotional certificate that would cover two-day shipping.

Of course, it's not a "free two-day shipping" certificate -- it's just a normal $10 certificate. On a $35 item. From a company that offers free shipping on orders over $25. So are you pondering what I'm pondering, Pinky?

(Crickets chirping.)

I suppose not. (Sighs.) And take off those rubber pants.