Burma, Texas

Sat Mar 20 2004

burma_texasDubya takes a stand on human rights by initiating a trade embargo against Burma. And like the laws against drunk driving, cocaine use and stealing elections, apparently this embargo only applies to people not named Bush, as it has been outed that the Bush-Cheney ‘04 campaign is selling fleecy pullovers made…oh, holy Jesus, is that…Burma??? Newsday has the scoop.

Can’t be. Nope. It is inconcievable that an organization as known for their grace, intelligence and dignity as the Bush presidential campaign would be so insensitive as to job their fleeces out to Burma. Unless…is there a town called Burma in Texas?

Or perhaps this is a clever campaign marketing strategy: they will remind everyone of Seinfeld by releasing a J. Peterman-esque catalog of clothing and housewares, accompanied by lurid travelogue descriptions that highlight not only the unique character of every product, but how they exemplify just how, oh, super the Bush II presidency has been.

You know, something like this:

Bush-Cheney Fleece Pullover

It was a peaceful, dim-cool morning in Burma when I encountered a nine-year-old boy. He was just coming home from a twelve hour workday in a humid, sweaty (uh) sweatshop, where he pricked his fingers forty-seven times with a rusty nail that he is forced to use to embroider the logos of greedy French and German corporations onto itchy synthetic fleece garments.

I offered him water from my canteen, which he accepted, and he gave me this pullover, saying, “I made this for you, because while I am working for nine cents a day in this hellish Burmese hellhole, I dream of one day pulling myself up by my bootstraps and making the long journey to Bangalore, where I can find work for a wealthy American company as a customer service technician or clerical worker. It is you who give me hope, President Bush!”

I keep this pullover by my pillow to remind me of the sacrifices made by young people like Aun-San in Burma, Chhunhakk in Cambodia and Omar in Malaysia in the name of freedom and democracy.

One color, $49.95.