Practicalmadness

From our friends at Timothy McSweeney’s Blowjob Gone Awry, This Bible You Sold Me Is Clearly Defective and I’d Like to Return It, Please.:

It seems to only sort of implicate the Jews in the Crucifixion, and instead suggests by way of self-deprecating irony that humanity as a whole is to blame.

I could not find the part where Moses says, “You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you all to Hell!”

My understanding is that Noah is supposed to be a large, talking cucumber.

This has got to be a bad translation because the Book of Revelation, instead of very clearly explaining the end times, the Rapture, and the final war with the Antichrist, doesn’t make a damn bit of sense. It’s full of a bunch of obscure symbols that are so open to interpretation, they could be applied to anything.

I am not familiar with Christianity’s return policy, but if they do accept returns or exchanges on their precepts, I have always suspected that the whole dual nature of Christ thing was a manufacturing defect.