Your Global War On David Update
- Sun Sep 02 2007
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This coming week marks one month since we embarked on our historic struggle to hunt down and destroy as much of my body as possible, through such unprecedented means as good nutrition, regular exercise and warrantless wiretapping. Let's see how we're doing so far:
August 7 September 2 Weight in lbs (kg) 295.4 (133.99) 289.4 (131.27) Number of gym visits 0 22-ish Maximum iron pumped < 30 lbs (13.6 kg) 110 lbs (49.9 kg) Maximum time able to balance on either foot like 20 seconds 60+ seconds, bitches Skeeviness quotient of taking showers in quasi-public locker rooms 9.4 7.2 Skeeviness quotient of naked guy talking on cell phone in quasi-public locker room 10.0 10.0 Degree to which I am too sexay for my shirt Actual: 1,000,000%; perceived: 1.4% Actual: unchanged; perceived: 2.9% Money/power/women ratio 2:1:0 2:1.5:0 Ability to convert protein into AWESOME 0.07% 1%