Practicalmadness

Is there a new iPhone? — IT IS DECIDEDLY SO.

Will it have 3G? — SIGNS POINT TO YES.

Will it come in colors, such as PRODUCT(RED)? — REPLY HAZY, ASK AGAIN LATER.

Will it go on sale today? — OUTLOOK GOOD.

Will it be $200 after subsidy/rebate from AT&T ($400 at Apple retail stores)? — MY SOURCES SAY YES.

Will the “OS X iPhone” 2.0 software update be available for download today? — MOST LIKELY.

Does that mean the App Store and the first round of third-party apps will be out today too? — SIGNS POINT TO YES.

Will .Mac be rebranded “Mobile Me?” — YOU MAY RELY ON IT.

Will the new “Mobile Me” service feature over-the-air “push” e-mail and calendar syncing, essentially like an Exchange server for consumers? — AS I SEE IT, YES.

Will anything else change about the former .Mac, like its spotty reliability or ridiculously high price? — DON’T COUNT ON IT.

Will Steve Jobs announce the next major release of Mac OS X? — MOST LIKELY.

Will that be the rumored “10.6 Snow Leopard” release, which drops PowerPC support and foregoes new features for a bunch of welcome performance boosts and framework improvements? — OUTLOOK GOOD.

Will “OS X Snow Leopard” be a free upgrade? — VERY DOUBTFUL. (Sarbanes-Oxley, dudes.)

Will new Apple Cinema Displays be announced, possibly slimmer ones with built-in iSight cameras? — OH, IF WISHING MADE IT SO.

Will Jobs announce Mac OS X licensing, or some other official way of loading Mac OS X onto non-Apple hardware? — NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS.

Will he announce a Mac tablet, or an xMac? — BITCH, PLEASE.